Sometimes the best family holidays aren’t holidays at all.
There’s something beautiful about having all your kids—and their people—all in the same zip code, even if just for a few days.
That’s me this week. I’m in New Orleans, where my older daughter Cameron now lives with her boyfriend Joe. His job as a civil engineer moves him around the country, so for now, NOLA is home. My younger daughter Natalie and her boyfriend Carl flew in too, and here we are—all five of us in the same place. No holiday. No formal occasion. Just being together.
And honestly? I think this beats any traditional holiday gathering I’ve ever hosted.
Why I Gave Up on Traditional Holidays (And What I Gained Instead)
Years ago, I decided I was done with the stress of “big” holidays—the expectation to be joyful, the time-crunched travel, the pressure to fit in a thousand things and keep everyone happy. Holidays had started to feel like a performance. And between grief, life transitions, and the reality of being a solo mom to two now-grown daughters, I just wanted something simpler, more spacious, more real.
What I’ve found is that a once-or-twice-a-year visit like this—no expectations, no timeline, no must-do traditions—is so much better.
We laugh more. We linger longer. We actually see each other.
There’s no rush to be anywhere else. Just morning coffee, afternoon wandering, good food, and the magic of just being together.
Grown Kids Are Their Own People. And That’s a Gift.
My daughters are 25 and 23. They’re whip-smart, funny, independent, and navigating real life in real time. Watching them build their lives—and watching their relationships bloom with partners feels like a quiet kind of miracle.
But here’s the kicker: I also love seeing them connect with each other.
I hope they continue to grow closer as the years go on, because there’s nothing like a sibling who’s walked through the same fire as you. No one else knows the specific chaos and beauty of your childhood. No one else remembers the exact shade of mom’s meltdowns or the joy of late-night Sonic runs or that phase where we only spoke in “Schitt’s Creek” quotes.
Those shared memories matter. And watching them layer new ones—boyfriends included—is the good stuff.
The Power of Parallel Play (Even as Adults)
Today, I’ve got a solo window of time while the four of them hang out. And you know what? I love it.
As much as I adore them, I also crave these little pockets of solitude. I work a full-time job, run a side hustle, keep a house alive, and wrangle animals. My daily life is full. So carving out space to stroll Magazine Street, journal over a cold brew, or wander into a little record shop on my own? Yes please.
These trips are a win-win. We come together, we branch out, we reconnect. And we each get to be our full selves in the process.
If You’re Planning a Trip to Visit Grown Kids (or Meet Them Somewhere), Here Are My Favorite Tips:
- Ditch the Agenda: No one wants a micro-managed vacation. Be flexible and let plans unfold naturally. Having one anchor activity (like a swamp tour or group dinner) is enough.
- Budget Honestly: Be clear about what you’re covering and what you’re not. I offered to pay for Sunday brunch and one happy hour. That’s my sweet spot. Cam and Joe are covering a meal too, and it keeps things fair and stress-free.
- Split Up Sometimes: It’s okay (actually, it’s great) to let them go off and do their thing. Use the solo time for what you need—reading, exploring, or just not being “on.”
- Be Curious, Not Controlling: I try to show up to their world with fresh eyes. What do they love about their city? Where do they get coffee? What bar feels like “theirs”? Ask questions. Let them lead.
- Take Photos, But Don’t Force Them: Capture moments but don’t obsess over curating the perfect image. The memory is what matters most.
Final Thoughts from the Mom Lounge
I’ll be meeting up with my crew later today. I think we’re grabbing beignets and maybe wandering through the French Market. But even if we do nothing fancy, it’ll still be everything I want: laughter, comfort, presence.
No traditions. No pressure. Just love in real time.
So if you’re reading this and missing your grown kids, or wondering how to “get them all together” again—maybe start here: Skip the holiday, plan a visit, go to them.
Let it be messy and real. Let it unfold. Let go of the script.
Because sometimes the best memories come from the most ordinary moments—with all your people, in one magical zip code.
Have you done a trip like this with your adult kids? What worked? What surprised you?
Let me know in the comments—or hit reply if you’re reading this on Substack. I’d love to hear from you.
And if you want more midlife reflections, messy truths, and tiny steps toward reinvention, you know where to find me outside of this website:
👉 Love Middle Life on Substack