It doesn’t take a degree in counseling to show up better.
It just takes heart and intention.
Here’s how:
🌿 1. Educate Yourself (and Others)
Learn about addiction.
Learn about depression.
Understand that these are illnesses — not character flaws, not moral failures.
Helpful Resources:
- NAMI – National Alliance on Mental Illness
- Shatterproof – Ending the Addiction Crisis
- AFSP – American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
You don’t have to be an expert.
But even a little understanding can dissolve a lot of judgment.
🌿 2. Watch Your Words
Language matters.
Instead of saying:
- “He was a drug addict.” → Say: “He struggled with addiction.”
- “She committed suicide.” → Say: “She died by suicide.”
- “They made bad choices.” → Say: “They fought battles we may never fully understand.”
Words can either reinforce shame — or offer dignity.
Choose dignity.
🌿 3. Be a Safe Place, Not a Fixer
When someone you love is fighting a mental health or addiction battle, you may want to “fix” it.
You can’t.
It’s not yours to fix.
But you can:
- Stay present.
- Listen without interrupting or offering solutions unless asked.
- Hold space for their struggle without judgment.
- Remind them they are loved for who they are — not just when they’re “better.”
Presence > Perfection.
Always.
🌿 4. When Someone Dies, Say Something — and Say It With Heart
When someone dies from addiction, suicide, or mental health complications, people often freeze.
They don’t know what to say.
So they say nothing.
Or worse — they say something judgmental.
Here’s what helps:
Say this:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m here.”
- “They mattered. Their story mattered. Their life mattered.”
- “I love you, and I’m thinking about you.”
- “Tell me more about [loved one’s name]”, I’m sorry I didn’t have the chance to know him/her.”
Don’t say:
- “At least they’re at peace now.” (Minimizes the pain.)
- “Did you know it was this bad?” (Invites blame.)
- “Everything happens for a reason.” (Sounds hollow when someone is hurting.)
Grief doesn’t need answers.
It needs acknowledgment.
Why It Matters
When you show up differently, you break chains.
You change the story for someone who has carried too much silence and shame for too long.
You remind them:
- They are not alone.
- Their love is not foolish.
- Their grief is not wrong.
- Their story is still worthy.
Final Thoughts
You don’t have to have the perfect words.
You don’t have to know exactly what to do.
You just have to be willing to stay.
Stay when the grief is messy.
Stay when the struggle is uncomfortable.
Stay when the world wants to look away.
That is how we break stigma.
That is how we heal.
That is how we love bigger, braver, better.
🌿
If you want to keep walking with me through these conversations — grief, healing, midlife, connection — I’m building a home for us at LoveMiddleLife.com.
There’s space for your heart here.
There’s space for the messy parts too.
You’re not alone.