The Journey of Launching Kids
So here we are. My 25-year-old launched for college and, honestly, didn’t look back. She was ready to spread her wings, and I was left waving from the metaphorical runway. My younger daughter, on the other hand, is still living with me as she finishes college. I’m juggling two versions of this “bird launching” phase: one bird is already soaring, and the other is eyeing the skies while still perched on the nest. And honestly? Both have their emotional rollercoasters.
This phase is about them stepping into adulthood and me trying to figure out what to do with all this “me” time—well, sort of. With one still under my roof, there’s a fine line between wanting to smother her with advice and letting her find her way. How do we lovingly guide these young adults into independence without being overbearing? It’s an adventure, for sure.
Embracing Their Journey: Accepting the Transition
Let’s face it—launching your kids into adulthood is big for everyone involved. They’re in the driver’s seat now, figuring out how to navigate work, relationships, and adulting, while we’re trying not to backseat drive their lives. For my older daughter, that meant leaving for college and not needing much of a glance in the rearview mirror. Meanwhile, my younger daughter is wrapping up college while still navigating the daily dance of independence under my roof.
It’s all about understanding that our roles as parents are evolving. We’re transitioning from being the co-pilots to being the emergency contact. And that’s hard. But also necessary. So, while they’re out there figuring out adulthood, we get to figure out what the next phase of our lives looks like too.
Why Having Our Own Lives Is Crucial
Now, let’s talk about something we don’t hear enough: as parents, we need our own lives. Seriously, the best thing we can do for our kids (and ourselves) is to not make them the center of our universe. I get it—our hearts are fully invested in their happiness. But here’s the truth: our happiness shouldn’t rest on their shoulders.
When we cling too tightly, hoping their successes, choices, and journeys will fill our emotional cups, we’re setting ourselves (and them) up for disappointment. Our kids can’t be responsible for our joy. That’s a job we need to handle ourselves. They’ve got enough going on trying to figure out their own lives!
This is why it’s so important for us to rediscover what makes us happy outside of being “Mom” or “Dad.” For me, it’s been about leaning into things I love—like making soup, long walks with a glass of wine waiting at the end, and building connections outside my role as a parent. It’s about reminding myself that while I will always be their mom, I’m also a person with my own dreams, passions, and goals.
The Unsolicited Advice Trap
One lesson I’ve learned? Unsolicited advice goes over about as well as telling them how to load the dishwasher “correctly.” They just don’t want to hear it (even though we know our way is better, right?). I’ve found that the best way to share my wisdom (read: make sure they’re not doing anything too crazy) is to wait until they ask for advice. And even then, I tread lightly—“Maybe you could try this…” works way better than, “You should do this.”
How to Support Without Being That Parent
Supporting your young adults without smothering them is like balancing on a tightrope. Too much involvement, and they feel suffocated. Too little, and they wonder if we care. Here’s how I’m doing my best to keep that balance, especially with one daughter already flying high and the other still in her final launch stages:
1. Listen More Than You Talk
I’m learning to zip it more often. They don’t always want my solutions; sometimes, they just need to vent. I’ve mastered the art of nodding, saying, “That sucks,” and asking questions that make them think through their own problems. It’s been a game-changer.
2. Offer Advice, Sparingly
When they do ask, I give them options rather than commands. A simple “Have you thought about this?” keeps things on the right side of supportive without me being overbearing. The goal is to be helpful, not controlling (harder than it sounds).
3. Respect Their Decisions (Even When You’re Internally Screaming)
Look, not every decision they make is going to be a home run. And as much as I’d love to swoop in and stop them from making mistakes, it’s part of their journey. So, I smile, nod, and let them figure it out—even if I’m internally preparing for the crash landing.
4. Be the Safety Net, Not the Parachute
I’m here when they need me, but I’m not doing everything for them. They need the practice of solving problems on their own. I’ve learned to say, “I believe in you,” instead of, “Let me just handle this.”
5. Teach Self-Care Without Sounding Like a Wellness Guru
Self-care is a real thing, even if it sounds like another Instagram trend. I try to show them that balance is important—whether it’s knowing when to take a break from work or making time for fun (like soup-making or wine tasting—I’m here for that part!).
6. Celebrate the Wins (Even the Tiny Ones)
Did they successfully adult today? Awesome. We’re celebrating it all, even if it’s just surviving their first post-college job or making something more advanced than ramen noodles. A win is a win.
Handling Disagreements Without Going Crazy
Let’s be real—disagreements are going to happen. Whether it’s about how they’re spending their money, or which life choices they’re making, there will be friction. I’ve learned to take a deep breath and focus on understanding, not controlling. Disagreements can be growth opportunities (at least, that’s what I tell myself while mentally counting to ten).
Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries
This one’s key, especially when one child still lives at home. We’ve had to set some healthy boundaries—like how often we check in, what the expectations are for independence, and how to navigate personal space (seriously, I can’t be mom and roommate 24/7). For my older daughter, it’s more about staying connected while giving her the space she clearly wants and needs. Boundaries ensure we stay close without hovering.
Why Prioritizing Our Own Lives Benefits Everyone
Here’s the real kicker: when we have our own fulfilling lives, it takes the pressure off our kids. They get to grow into their independence knowing they don’t have to be our everything. In turn, this creates a healthier, more balanced dynamic. They feel free to launch without guilt or the weight of our expectations. Meanwhile, we get to rediscover what makes us tick—whether it’s through hobbies, friendships, or new adventures.
For me, this means leaning into things like my love of soup-making, long walks, and (let’s be honest) a little bit of quiet time. It’s been a journey of figuring out what I love to do with all this newfound space, while still being there for my daughters when they need me. The bonus? They see me thriving, and that inspires them to build lives where they can thrive too.
Resources for the Journey
Because we can all use some help along the way, here are a few tools that have made this launch season a bit easier:
- Books:
How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims (for when you’re wondering why you’re still raising them in their 20s).
Letting Go: A Parent’s Guide by Karen Levin Coburn and Madge Treeger. - Podcasts:
Launch for real talk about the ups and downs.
The Family Coach for parenting advice. - Websites:
Psychology Today for parenting adult children and setting healthy boundaries.
As you embark on this exciting journey of rediscovery, it’s time to treat yourself! Whether you want to unwind, get creative, or indulge in self-care, these Amazon finds are perfect for your new chapter. Check out these goodies to inspire joy and fulfillment:
- Life Starts After Empty Nesting Journal: Your new best friend for daily reflections and gratitude.
- Essential Oil Diffuser with Mood-Boosting Oils: Transform your home into a calming spa oasis.
- Cozy Scented Candle Set: Light these up for a cozy atmosphere that soothes the soul.
- Adult Coloring Book: Stress Less: Embrace your inner child and unwind with some colorful creativity.
- Personal Growth Book: Untamed by Glennon Doyle: Get ready for empowering insights that inspire your journey.
Final Thoughts: We’re All Learning
This phase is as much about finding ourselves again as it is about them launching. I’m learning how to fill my time with things I love (hello, soup-making and solo walks), while they’re out there building their lives. It’s a delicate dance—sometimes I lead, sometimes I step back—but we’re figuring it out together.
Here’s to embracing this next chapter, holding on loosely, and celebrating the adventure of bird launching (without going full helicopter).